You ever meet those people who seem so nice, sweet, and generous—like, they’d give you the shirt off their back—but something just doesn’t sit right? You know, the ones who seem like they’re covered in sugar but underneath, it’s not all sweet? I’m talking about those people who’ve been through some real hard stuff, maybe emotionally neglected or in abusive relationships, and now they’ve got these survival skills that sometimes come out as manipulation or gaslighting.

Let’s be real— when someone’s been hurt, especially as a kid or in a bad marriage, they learn how to protect themselves. And that’s not always pretty. They might be kind, generous, even overly nice, but when it comes down to it, some of these people are manipulative because they had to be. It’s how they survived.

Why Some People Act This Way

Take someone who’s been emotionally neglected, like their mom didn’t show them love or affection. They grow up learning they can’t rely on anyone else, so they find ways to control their environment. Manipulation becomes survival. Maybe they bend the truth a little, twist a situation to make it work in their favor, or make you feel like you’re the crazy one when you know you’re not.

Step 1: Recognize Manipulation for What It Is.
The first thing you have to do is name it. If someone is making you doubt your own feelings or twisting the truth, that’s manipulation. Don’t second-guess your instincts. Once you know what’s happening, it’s easier to see it for what it is and keep it from getting under your skin.

The Sweetness Mask

And here’s what I’ve noticed, especially with some women I’ve met: they’ll change their voice, start talking all soft and girly, and act real sweet when they’re in certain situations. It’s almost like their inner child didn’t get the love it needed, so they slip into this persona that feels safer, like if they sound innocent, they’ll be protected. But don’t let that fool you. Just because someone is acting sweet doesn’t mean they’re not out here manipulating or gaslighting people.

Step 2: Set Boundaries Early and Stick to Them.
When you call someone out for doing something shady and they turn around and tell you that what you’re thinking isn’t real—that’s gaslighting. They’re trying to make you doubt your reality. Set clear boundaries when you recognize this. You don’t have to accept their version of things. Stick to what you know is true, and don’t let them shift the narrative. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and keep you in control of your own reality.

Step 3: Keep Your Emotional Distance.
Some people want to be close to everyone, but protecting yourself means not getting sucked into their drama or manipulation. You don’t have to cut them off completely if that’s not what you want, but maintaining emotional distance can save you from getting hurt over and over. It’s okay to care about people while also protecting your own peace.